The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, connection, and celebration, but for someone who is grieving, it can feel like the exact opposite. While the world seems to be moving quickly with gatherings, traditions, and expectations, grief can feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or even pressured to “act okay.” Whether the loss is recent or years in the past, holidays have a way of amplifying emotion and highlighting the absence of the person who is no longer here.
If you’re supporting a loved one through grief at this time of year, it’s common to feel unsure about what to say or how to help. At the Cognitive & Interpersonal Therapy Clinic (CITC) in Toronto, our team supports individuals and families through grief every year by offering grief counselling, individual therapy, and family therapy.
Why Do Holidays Often Intensify Grief?
Holidays tend to magnify absence. Familiar rituals, favourite meals, music, cultural or religious traditions, and family gatherings can all bring up memories of the person who is no longer there. Even if someone has been coping relatively well during the year, the holidays can reopen old wounds and stir up unexpected emotions.
People may feel out of step with those around them, wanting to participate in celebrations one moment and withdrawing the next. Some feel pressure to appear cheerful, while others feel guilt if they find themselves enjoying parts of the season. Irritability, sadness, longing, fatigue, or numbness are all common, and grief can show up differently each day.
Above all, grief is not linear. There is no timeline or “correct” way to move through it, and your loved one may need patience and flexibility from those around them.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving This Season
Be present, not perfect
You don’t need to find the right words or offer solutions. Your presence is often the most comforting thing you can give. Gentle statements like “I’m here with you” or “I know this time of year can feel heavy” acknowledge their experience without rushing them through it. Grief deserves space to be felt.
Ask what they need, and honour their answer
Everyone grieves differently. Some people want company; others need space. Some want to keep traditions exactly as they were; others want to do things differently this year. Asking “What would feel supportive right now?” or “Is there anything you’d like to skip or change this year?” allows your loved one to guide you.
Offer practical help
Grief can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Offering concrete support like preparing a meal, helping with errands, watching children, or giving them a ride can help ease some of the strain. These gestures may seem small but can be incredibly stabilizing during an emotionally intense time.
Share memories if they want to & hold silence if they don’t
Many grieving people appreciate hearing stories or memories of the person they’ve lost. Saying their loved one’s name can be comforting, not painful. You might gently say, “I was thinking about your mom the other day, I loved how she…” But it’s equally important to follow their lead; not everyone wants to reminisce, and that’s okay.
Support new traditions or gentle changes
For some people, keeping old traditions feels grounding. For others, it feels too painful. Your loved one might want to light a candle in memory of the person, cook their favourite dish, donate to a meaningful cause, or simply keep things quiet and simple. Let them decide what feels right this year, knowing it may look different next year.
Recognize that grief can affect sleep, anxiety, and trauma responses
The holidays can be overstimulating with more noise, social expectations, and reminders of what has been lost. Your loved one may experience anxiety, trouble sleeping, irritability, or a desire to withdraw. These are normal grief responses, but if they feel overwhelming, professional support can help.
How Can Therapy Help During Grief?
At CITC, we offer a compassionate, evidence-based space for people navigating grief, whether the loss was recent or occurred many years ago.
Grief Counselling: Clients can explore their emotions, process the loss, understand their grief responses, and build tools for navigating triggers, special dates, and changes in identity or routine.
Individual Therapy: Approaches like CBT, ACT, EMDR, and interpersonal therapy (IPT) can support people experiencing anxiety, depression, guilt, trauma responses, or difficulties adjusting after a loss.
Family Therapy: Families often grieve in different ways and at different paces. Family therapy can help improve communication, reduce conflict, and support children and adolescents who may not have the language to understand their emotions.
For additional trusted support, you can visit:
– CAMH: Grief & Bereavement — https://www.camh.ca
– Bereaved Families of Ontario (Toronto) — https://www.bfotoronto.ca
Supporting Yourself While Supporting Someone Else
Supporting someone through grief can be emotionally taxing. It’s important to take care of yourself too. You are allowed to step back, rest, set boundaries, and acknowledge your own feelings that may surface in the process. Seeking your own support can help you stay grounded and present while caring for someone else.
When Is ItTime to Encourage Professional Support?
If your loved one is struggling to function day-to-day, withdrawing from all social connection, experiencing persistent hopelessness, navigating trauma symptoms, or expressing thoughts of self-harm, it may be time to gently recommend therapy. A supportive way to approach this is:
“You don’t have to go through this alone. I can help you find someone to talk to if you’d like.”
CITC offers grief counselling, individual therapy, and family therapy in-person in Toronto or virtually across Ontario.
Final Thoughts
Grief during the holidays can feel isolating, heavy, and disorienting , but the presence of a caring person can make an enormous difference. You don’t need perfect words or solutions. Offering patience, compassion, and gentle support can help your loved one feel less alone in a season that can otherwise feel painfully empty.
If you or someone close to you needs support navigating grief, reach out to our clinical coordinator or use our online booking link to schedule a consult or intake today.
